Life Life Life

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Life Life Life

Life as I see it
Life as I know it
Life as I blow it

Life as I feel it
Life as I dream it
Life as I live it

Life as I treasure it
Life as I conquer it
Life as I direct it

Life as I view it
Life as I love it
Life as I practice it

The Practice of Everyday Life is a book by Michel de Certeau which examines the ways in which people individualise mass culture, altering things, from utilitarian objects to street plans to rituals, laws and language, in order to make them their own. It was originally published in French as L’invention du quotidien. Vol. 1, Arts de faire’ (1980). The 1984 English translation is by Steven Rendall. The book is one of the key texts in the study of everyday life.

My Toby

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My Toby

He is my baby.
He is my pet.
He is my friend.
He is my companion.
He is my everything.

We had just bought our new house.
We felt something was missing.
We had no children together.
We went out searching for a common connection.
We found our baby.

This is the story of my baby.
This baby we named Toby.
This baby whom I love to bits.
This baby cuddles up to me every night.
This baby will turn four in the next two weeks.

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Another weekend coming up !

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Tonight a group of 10 friends met up for dinner and drinks, celebrating Thursday and looking forward to another weekend !

First we headed into ‘The Apothecary Licensed Eatery’ that operates in the heart of Howick, as a lively wine bar, a daytime cafe, plus evening bistro dining on Thursday & Friday nights.  This eatery is a vintage fit out and was formerly an antique shop.

apothecary Mini burgers feast
Another weekend coming up !

After dinner, we adjourned to “The Barrel Inn” to enjoy some music from “Father & Sons Band”.

barrel inn

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Full and contented, time to head home and one more sleep and it’s another weekend. Yeah, weekend so I can …………….

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………………….. cuddle my Bluey and sleep in, of course !

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We are still friends

“If every divorce were a ‘War of the Roses’, there would be blood on the streets!”
points out Barbara Quick, author of
Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After… Even if your Marriage Falls Apart.

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I am feeling a bit sad today, may have even shed a little tear.  My ex husband, my best friend just left for the airport after a month’s visit.  I am at the stage of my life where kids have grown up and suddenly they have nothing to say to me.  After over twenty years of upbringing, mother and child(ren) (or children and mother rather) no longer see eye to eye.  Having my ex husband visited was such a blessing and a comfort for me especially at a time when I felt so alone in my life.  Alone because I am going through mother and adult children estrangement if that is the word to describe what I am going through now.  At this stage of my life, although I have children, one of them if not both or even all three are estranged children.  It was good to have someone to talk to at home other than just talking to Toby.  Toby listened, prick up his ears, looked at me in the eye, sniffed and licked me but he does not talk back.

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My ex husband is that one special man in my life.  We drifted apart when we were younger, too focused in building our individual career that we loose our connection and ended our marriage.  We finally divorced after years of living apart but we stayed in touch as friends.  Sharing our children, we are still part of one family.  We will grow old together as best friends.

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On a lighter note, I will post an old parable that I found while searching online for a support group for parents going through adult children estrangement.  Thank you for sharing.

An Olde Parable

Posted on 07/28/13, 02:43 am

http://www.bu.edu/fsao/2012/07/13/when-your-adult-child-doesn’t-want-you/

If our ECs (estranged children) expect their own children to treat them kindly, they need to take a few moments to reflect on the way they behave toward us. They should take into account that respecting us now is an investment in how they’ll be treated when their own children become adults. Children learn by our example.
 
There is an old parable about Samuel whose elderly father kept spilling soup on the tablecloth because of his trembling fingers. One evening the old man dropped a fine teacup and it fell to the floor and broke.
“From now on you will eat in your room, Father,” declared Samuel . “Here is a wooden bowl for you to use. This, you cannot break!”
The next day Samuel came home and saw his very young son sitting on the floor trying to carve out a chunk of wood. “Little Jake, what are you doing?” Samuel asked the boy.
“It’s for you, Father,” the son explained, “so you can use it to eat in your room when you are old and your hands start to shake.”
When their own adult children toss them the wooden bowl, they will understand how much they have hurt us.
 
 
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On a positive note of course I know I will overcome this little hurdle knowing that my one special man in my life is still my best friend.  Together we will overcome.
 
 
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My simple & sweet Malaysian Chinese Wedding

I was a bride and that was some 29 years ago.  I was not fussed about the wedding, no months and months of planning or preparation.  It was a celebration we had to go through as expected in our custom and tradition.  We tailored made my evening dress and I had only one evening dress unlike brides of today who had at least two or three parading in them during their wedding dinner.  We decorated our own wedding car with ribbons and flowers and by the time the car went back and forth from Kuching town to Siburan Village (17 mile from Kuching), the car decorations were half ripped off.  Back then, I just wanted to tie the knot with the man I loved and a church wedding was important to me.  I was not too fuss at all about the celebration itself although of course we went through the traditions by first having a ‘matchmaker’ coming round to my parent’s house to ask for my hand in marriage and then followed by negotiations on dowry and how many dinner tables the bride’s parents would request of the bridegroom.

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Some months ago my eldest daughter finally officially married her partner of nine years.  Ironically, she too was not at all fuss on the wedding celebration.  Her wedding too was sweet and simple.  There was no ‘matchmaker’ that came round to my house to ask for her hand.  All I got was a phone call from her boyfriend (now husband) asking for her hand in marriage.  There was no dowry talk or how many wedding dinner tables we needed.  They had a wedding celebrant who conducted the wedding, witnessed their vows and officially pronounced them husband and wife, all very romantic at the Rose Garden in Palmerston North.

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In writing this post, I stumbled upon a very well written, detailed and elaborated post on Malaysian Chinese Wedding.  For an insight, please visit Little Brown Bag’s post of a Malaysian Chinese Wedding.   I am not able to write in such detail on my wedding which was simple and sweet.  I knew nothing much about the customs and traditions and as a naive 22 year old back then in the 1980s, I was helplessly in love with this one special man in my life.  Nothing else mattered.

Reflecting back on my wedding and that of my daughter’s, we were just two simple women, ‘like mother like daughter’.  Our husbands were blessed, we did not cost them an arm and a leg to win our hand in marriage.  ………. in sickness and in health, till death us do part.  “I now pronounced you man and wife.”

We were married, as simple as that !

Is marriage even necessary in these modern days?  It may be to some culture but not necessarily to others.  Personally I believe in marriage and to me, marriage is a bonding and commitment of two people wanting to share a whole new life together.

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Two Eyes, Two Ears, Two Hands, Two Feet

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Two Eyes

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Two Ears

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Two Hands

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Two Feet

What’s the significance of all the TWOs ?

My blog turns TWO today.  No, not two years yet but two months.  These couple of months were thoroughly enjoyable and fulfilling.  Although I spent quite a fair bit of time (probably more than I should) on WordPress, I felt those times were well spent and fulfilling for two (2) main reasons.

1.  I saw my thoughts in writing, my story written out and I read them rather than just reflecting upon them in my mind.

2.  I made ‘friends’ with like minded bloggers and that is indeed an encouragement visiting each other’s blogs and connection built through ‘Likes’ and ‘Comments’.

It all sounded like everything comes in

two (2),

a pair,

a couple,

double,

twin,

second,

repeat,

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So today, I rejoice on the occasion of my two months with WordPress and celebrate the word TWO and the wonder of TWO.

Thoughts around Two in my head now waiting to be typed out.

“Two’s company, three’s a crowd.”

” ….. my Two pence worth of thoughts.”

“It takes Two to tango.”

“It takes Two hands to clap.”

“Put the Two and Two together.”

“Two of us.”

“Two by two.”

“Two eyes, Two ears, Two hands, Two feet.”

Coincidentally too this post was written today on 22/7/13.  A date that is 22, a double two ready for publishing on 25/7/13.  I have always published my posts immediately and even edited ‘live’ but this post chose to differ because it will only be published when my blog is two months old (young).

I would like to invite everyone who stumbled upon this post or my WP friends and followers to please comment and share something, a sentence or two or a poem, anything at all of what comes into your mind, the significance of TWO.

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Those are the hands of two good friends.

“Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”  –  Aristotle  –

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Once upon a time, there was an Old Man

He was 20 and she was a newborn.

He was 40 and she was 20

He was 60 and she was 40

He is 70 and she is 50

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Illustration of one dirty old man or one grumpy old dog

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Can a younger woman accept a much older man ?

It was not easy.

The older man was persistent.

He went all out to win her over.

The younger woman thought that was love and devotion.

Out of gratification, returned her love unconditionally.

Mission accomplished.

The older man won his trophy and moved on.

The younger woman was left disappointed, lost and betrayed.

At 70 and with some money in a foreign land.

The older man chased his new foreign trophies, one after another.

Today, he is 70 and she, the other new she is 20,

while a handful of other 20s line up in waiting.

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This picture is an illustration only.  

Food for thought – Notes added today 26/7/2013

After publishing this post, I came across an article in the local papers today.  Apparently it is socially ‘unacceptable’ in the mindset of many for a younger man to date or partner a much older woman but when it comes to an older man with a younger woman, it is not too much of a hoo-ha.

Relevant article AGE-GAP HUSBAND TOLD TO LEAVE NZ

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I am part of the WordPress Family Award

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A BIG THANK YOU to Whispering Insights

for nominating me for the “WorldPress Family Award”.

I am thrilled for your very kind nomination,

my WordPress friend.

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When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was in for.  All I wanted was a platform to write my autobiography, my true life story.  Choosing WordPress had connected me with fellow like minded bloggers and even earned Awards.  This is probably one of my most fulfilling new hobby that I am at the moment pretty intensely involved with.

The creator of this award has the following to say:

” This is an award for everyone who is part of the “WordPress Family” I started this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can.  The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here.  I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents ‘Family’ we never meet, but are there for us as family.  It is my honour to start this award. Thank you Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/ ”

Here are the rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog (see above).
2. Link back to the person who nominated you (also see above).
3. Nominate 10 others who have positively impacted your WordPress experience (see below).
4. Don’t forget to let your WordPress family members know of your nomination.
5. That’s it! Just pick 10 people that have accepted you as a friend, and spread the love!

🙂

Most if not all of my nominees had visited my blog, posted comments and build the connection with me in my short time of less than two months with WordPress.

Rule 5 of this award criteria said “Just pick 10 people that have accepted you as a friend, and spread the love!”

I had previously nominated most of you for “One Lovely Blog Award” and/or “Shine On Award” and I still believe you deserve this “WordPress Family Award” too.

Without further adieu my nomination goes to the following 10 bloggers.

1.   http://scottishmomus.wordpress.com/about/

2.   http://mabelkwong.com/about-2/

3.   http://verawrites.com/about/

4.   http://thepolarzone.wordpress.com/

5.  http://eatingmilkandhoney.wordpress.com/about/

6.   http://katkinnie.wordpress.com/about/

7.   http://thegreenpensieve.wordpress.com/about/

8.   http://verajackson.wordpress.com/

9.  http://thevillagegranny.com/

10.  http://zenscribbles.wordpress.com/about/

I considered all of you as my WordPress friend and I hope you have accepted me as a friend too and let’s spread our love to the WordPress Community.

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Childbirth, the agony and the joy

Childbirth 

Definition


Childbirth needs no explanation.  Everyone know what childbirth means but not everybody know how it feels.  The dictionary defines “Childbirth” as both the labor and the delivery.  To me and to every mother, “Childbirth” is the end process of a pregnancy in which every mother hope the end result will be a healthy baby.

Pregnancy  —————–>   Labour   ————->    Delivery  ————–>  Baby

The feelings in between those stages from pregnancy to delivery would be (for me)

Excitement  ——————->  Pain  —————->   Agony  —————–>  Joy

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Thinking back, the year was 1984, one September evening.  My mouth watered, craving for “cha kuay teow” (fried flat rice noodles).  Our baby was almost due.  I must feast on the “Cha kuay teow” from the hawker stall opposite Rex cinema before my baby was born.  I was full term pregnant.  If I did not eat the “Cha kuay teow” that night, I might have to wait a whole month before I could taste that dish.

ckt1As with most Malaysian Chinese, we practise a thirty days confinement period after childbirth when the mother is restricted to a very strict diet.  All meals must be heated (hot) and cooked with wine and ginger to warm the body. “Ka Chang Ma” (Herbal Chicken with ginger and wine) is the dish for confinement.  It is believed that “ka chang ma” is taken for cleansing and to keep the body warm.

For more details of this special Sarawakian dish, check out this link.  http://lazymamainkitchen.blogspot.co.nz/2012/09/sarawak-kachangma-chicken-confinement.html

kacangmaKa Chang Ma (Herbal Chicken with ginger & wine)

Yummy.  Feeling satisfied after eating the “Cha Kuey Teow” I put my feet up and turned the television on.  Without warning, my water bag burst !  Our baby was on the way.

I was admitted to the General Hospital applying for a first class ward hoping for better treatment in a government hospital.  I needed that for my new baby and for myself but that was too much of an ask.

The hospital was full so there were no first, second or even third class upon admission.  There was no class at all and I was given a bed in the corridor of the pregnancy ward together with a handful of other expectant mothers.  There, I was left to endure my pain which engulfed me the whole night before I was wheeled to the delivery room.

In the delivery room, I was told to hop onto the delivery bed.  The nurse came to check on me and to her bewilderment and disgust (yes disgust written all over her face), she said “Take of your panties !  What are you doing here with your panties on?”  She shook her head in utter disgust.

Our daughter took a long time to come.  Labor was long, very long. Ten hours of intense pain. I was put on drip. I had to stay strong, endured the pain and told myself that if other women had been through this, time and again, why can’t I? On the other hand, I thought to myself, so this was what is called childbirth, I will never go through another again !

sarawakhospitalSarawak General Hospital, Kuching

I seemed to have forgotten that pain and was pregnant again three years later. This time, we decided to have the baby delivered at a private hospital.  My second childbirth was worst than the first.  I was totally exhausted from the excruciating pain and needed oxygen to aid me during labour.  My poor husband was with me in the delivery room.  Although I was bearing all the physical pain, I knew he felt the pain as much by just watching what I went through and held my hand giving me all the moral support.  Praise God that our second daughter was born finally otherwise the doctor was going to do a caesar on me.  After delivery I could not urinate and had catheter (tubes) inserted to drain urine from my body.  Having experienced such degree of continuous pain for five hours and the pain and discomfort of tubes all over me after delivery, that afternoon one August 1988 was a day I could never forget.

pregnant-woman-holding_~k3384888Another three years later, one night in April 1991, I was cross stitching an embroidery.  I never completed that cross stitch in the end.  Our third child was due and this time, I did not want my husband to be there to watch the birth, thinking it would be the same if not worst that the previous two.  I was admitted around midnight and our baby boy was born at 7am the next day.  The intense labour was only around three hours and nowhere as painful as my first or second childbirth.  I wondered if it was God that pitied me and took away my pain or was it less painful giving birth to sons than giving birth to daughters.

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Childbirth is an extremely painful experience physically for most if not all women yet many women went through it not only once but twice or three times or more.

As John 16:21 wrote :

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

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This post is written with love for all my three children.
You are my three bundles of joy.

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That one special man in my life

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Readers, there are not many autobiographies that I could find on wordpress.  I am not a celebrity, I am just an ordinary woman and my autobiography may not interest everyone.  I have no intention of building a big audience and opening up my life story for the world to read but if you happen to stumble upon my blog, you are warmly invited to read the true life story of this little Borneo girl (once upon a time).  If you read my ‘About’ page, you will know the purpose of my blog and this post is the framework of my story.  If you are a friend or an acquaintance or even just my new fellow blogger, after reading this post, you are considered a friend if you let me know you have read my story (this post).  I sincerely hope that my children and my future generation (to come) will visit this post.  In saying this, I pray that WordPress will last forever.  My heart is beating as I am about to publish this page.  It is a hard decision and takes a lot out of me to share such a personal story.  Please read on or leave this page.  Thank you.

~~~

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This little Borneo girl has grown up.  She was a baby, she was a child, she was a teenager, she is now a woman, a wife (though no longer) and a mother.  She met this one special man in her life when she was barely 21 years old.

Here is her story.

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– Kuching Reservoir Park – 
courtesy of  http://jiayiing87.blogspot.co.nz

In the early 1980s the Kuching Reservoir Park was any joggers’ (as well as lovers’) haven.  When I was in the sixth form, I sat next to a window that overlook this park and often saw lovebirds and romance in the air in this once lovely park.  I never imagined that this was where I would meet this handsome man who eventually became my husband (now ex).

I was young and he was nine years older than me.  There was a group of us girls but he chose to date me.  Our romance was quick and swift.  It was three months of dating, engaged on the third month, marriage on the sixth month and parents within a year.  We were in such a rush for no apparent reason.  I was a beautiful young woman.  He was a handsome man with a baby-faced look.  When he met me, he had just returned from OE after working in Brunei.

The fairy tale romance story did not last very long but our friendship lasted forever.  I was (and still am) blessed to have my aunt (2 ko) who helped cared for our baby. Our baby was our princess and I gave her everything I wished for but never had when I was a child.  Our second child was born four years later.  Our youngest came three years after our second child.  At that time, my husband and myself were totally focused in our job and building our career not realizing that we had drifted, just naturally drifted away from each other.  He was education in Mandarin and I was in English, we talked but we could not communicate and that did not help in building our relationship.

He worked long hours, started off working with his late uncle and a cousin in the shipping industry and eventually they pooled all they resources together to buy some cargo vessels and became ship owners.  The company went public listed and shares shot up from 90 sen to RM18.  When the company shares were at its peak, I was living with my grandmother in Singapore as I need desperately to ‘find myself’.  My marriage had no meaning and I was vulnerable and I had stupidly fallen in love with another man not knowing he was someone else’s husband until the relationship was too deep to let go.  With my husband, I was too young to know the true meaning of love.  With this man, I gave my all.  That relationship lasted on and off for a decade and almost took my life.  I debated with myself whether or not to write about this chapter and open it out for all to read but the main purpose of my blog is my autobiography, my true life story, totally raw and unedited.  I am not writing for sympathy or condemnation because I called upon the Lord and God has forgiven me as in Psalms 86:5.  I can only hope that readers, family, friends or strangers will recite my favourite verse, Ephesians 4:32 before passing any judgement if necessary.

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– Courtesy of http://www.biblelockscreen.com 

PSALM 86:5

New International Version (NIV)

You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

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– courtesy of http://wallpaper4god.com

Today, I looked back at this relationship which should never have happened but it happened for a reason.  In the midst of a sea load of tears, there were bits of happiness.  I smile and I no longer cry.  I learnt what love was and also know what it is like to be loved.  True love is about connection, the ability to connect without speaking, the ability to look into each other’s eyes and read into each other’s thoughts.  Connection happens when two people are able to communicate by facial expressions just by looking at each other and connecting so deeply that one can see into the other’s soul.  A loving and compatible couple is like a key and a key hole.  That was what this man said of he and me.  We just clicked.

key– courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

When I was healing, my father gave me a plaque which read “What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning”.

beginning– courtesy of http://wishhunt.com

Returning to the story of this one special man in my life,  my husband came home one night and said that he had lost everything during the financial crisis.  We were in the midst of a divorce but because of the turn of event, we stayed ‘married’ because the best thing to do was to stay together, to comfort each other.  The comfort of just being there for each other.  Had I not ran away while he was at the peak of his career and be the supportive wife and financial advisor, we would probably be able to salvage some of his wealth.  However, the reality of loosing those millions  did not sadden me in the least.  I told my husband we had never lived the life of an extravagant multi-millionaire so having never lived that kind life, we definitely would not be any less off.  We had and always lived in comfort and in luxury within means and we are still living very comfortably with or without the millions.  My children went to private school and after that financial crisis, they probably were the poorest of the rich kids in school.  Growing up amongst the elite, my kids were not some spoilt rotten rich kids, they grew up appreciating the value of money and I am proud of my children in this aspect.

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– courtesy of http://www.searchquotes.com

Although I do not have a fairytale ending with “live happily ever after” to my marriage, I am blessed that my ex husband and I have a “happily ever after” friendship.  We parted ways, no longer husband and wife because of lack of communication and too much into building a career that took toll on our love and connection.  My ex husband is a very kind man, simple and helpful to everyone.  Today, he is still very much part of my life, a big part of my family and my true friend.

You are reading the true life story of one little Borneo girl and this post is of her life as a young woman of 21 through to mid 30s.  If any of my readers wish to leave a comment and share any personal experiences with regards to love or how true or not that “love is blind”, please feel free to leave a comment.

true-friendship-quotes-with-images– Courtesy of http://www.goodmorningwishes.com

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– Courtesy of http://dailypost.wordpress.com –

For personal record, this is my 3rd post for Week 1 of  a “Post A Week” Challenge.

The writer reserves the exclusive right on this post and does not permit “Reblog” or “Share” on facebook.  Any form of circulation, printed or copied of this post is strictly prohibited.  This story is only available through http:littlegirlstory.wordpress.com.