Where is home?

I had been away for a while, away from my blog, my home, my dog and everything else.  Last month, my life was a breeze (only there was no breeze where I was, only humidity and sweats).

It was time to make a change in my life, to find a base I could really call home.  In fact, I thought I’d already made that change but my dog spoilt it all.

I am back to square one.  😦

My property is on the market until someone is willing to pay the price. Experts predict Auckland median house price will break $1m mark in 18 months (reported from last month’s local daily).  My home sweet home had gone past the median but I still linger. The hammer did not come down. Is it the dollar value or the sentimental value that prolong my move?  Is buying a one way ticket leaving the land of the long white cloud flying to Kuching (meaning cat) not going home to stay?

Should I continue doing what I had been doing the past decades, all for the sake of a house and (more recently) a dog?  My current house is less than three years old though we had shifted houses several times.  The youngsters left their nest but my five (going on six) year old four-legged is a treasure who is most dependent on me.

My life change depends a lot on him and he on me.  I left my home, flew to my hometown but had to come back because of an incident he had.  My change became ‘no change’.  Now back to the same job, same desk, same house.

For how long?  I really don’t know. I feel like I am living in a suitcase.

Toby lashed out on a woman who claimed he ruined her $1,000 leather jacket and she couldn’t go to work hence asked for $500 off work fee and $75 medical fee because my dog ‘attacked’ her.  My son gave her my dog registration number but never took her contact number.  I prayed hard and decided to be proactive and reported to council, appealed to be put in touch with the ‘victim’.  She is now $1,600 richer and even kept the change.  I can’t deny Toby jumps and lurches at me when he is excited.  I too sometimes have bruises, scratches and holes in my merino pullovers.  I know he is misbehaving but to an owner, the dog is excited while to others he is violent.

For the last decades, life is about waking up in the morning, getting dressed for work and then home to cook dinner, or to socialize with acquaintances for a drink or two after work.

Evening time is about coming home to feed my kids, and now to feed my dog.  Night time is about watching Korean drama series, no matter how late.

I thought now in my golden age, it’s time for a change in my life and get out of the norm.  I look forward to the day where I can wake up as and when I want to, play a catch-me-if-can game with my dog in our own lifestyle block, no fear of reports of misbehaviour and worrying to death that someone will show up at my door to take him away.

I look forward to be my own home chef hosting meals for a new group of acquaintances or friends, perhaps.  Beach walking, smell the breeze, live the life with no shocking sound of alarm clock or rush hour traffic.

I am not in a rush……….. I will continue to dream…… till I find home.

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What is home to you?
A mansion or a little house on a lifestyle block?

Our Precious Moments

Precious moments.

Some nine years ago.

I met Peach Blossom.

We became friends and maties.

In my new homeland.

We shared joys, sorrows, secrets, pastimes and passions.

Those were precious moments with me and my Peach Blossom.

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This is a picture of Peach Blossom.

Painted by Peach Blossom.

Image copyright reserved by VJ Wheeler.

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Home Alone = Lonely

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Home Alone ?
Not quite.
My Toby is with me.
It’s his 5th birthday today.
Sharing a pic to Tob and me playing silly.
Taken last year.

Happy Birthday Toby !!!!!

You’ve had your treat.

cake Image courtesy of http://www.cakechooser.com

Ooops “Sorry, Toby”  Mummy didn’t publish a very good photo shot of you.

Mummy’s photography skills need some brushing up.

Your eyes look like crystal balls.

Let’s find a better shot of you, my dear baby boy.

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Oh, that isn’t very nice Toby. Mummy already said ‘Sorry’.

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Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall.

Think of your blog as a mirror: what does it reveal? Consider your blog name, theme choice, design, bio, posts… what does every element tell you about yourself?

 

My blog is my mirror and my mirror is my reflection.  What does it reveal?

It reveals the true life story of a little Borneo girl.

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You are reading the life story of one little Borneo girl (once upon a time), her reminiscences of the past and her present thoughts.

About

I am not a writer neither am I an avid reader so blogging my autobiography may be a challenge but this is something I want to do.  I am closer to 70 than 20. When I leave this world or even before when thoughts of my life and my childhood becomes fainter and fainter, I hope my blog will be my footprints on earth should someone out there stumble upon it and know that I have existed in this world, a life bestowed on me one early morning in January half a century ago.

I chose this theme and the picture of the acorn (or more likely pinecone) for my blog. This image stood out, calling ‘choose me’. It looks ever so familiar because I have one lonely pinecone that stood proudly at the centre of my outdoor table. This pinecone represents me, though alone, is tough and has persevered all seasons. It was not forgotten when we shifted house, it came with me claiming its rightful place on that table. That is how important that pinecone is to me.

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A very sad story of the life of my little FeeFee

We did not know when her actual birthday was but American Independence day, 4th of July was an easy date to remember hence we adopted that date for her birthday.  On her birthday, we would cook a whole fish for her and that fish was a treat and symbolizes a birthday cake.  A friend gave her to us.  She was cute and adorable with blue eyes and grey fur, a tiny little wee kitty barely a month old.  That was a long, long time ago, way back sometime in August in the year 1999.  We named her FeeFee.

This post is a very sad story of the life of my FeeFee.  I am extremely remorse as I type this story.  It is a story that hurt me deeply, yesterday, today, tomorrow and everyday. I am hurting so badly because I believe my FeeFee’s life must be in agony.  What is life without freedom?  I have no answer to turn things around, to relieve and give FeeFee a better life.  I honestly dread sharing this story but FeeFee is part of my life and my autobiography would not be complete without FeeFee and her story must must be told.  It hurt very much even just to think about it and hurts even more to write about it.

FeeFee was a playful kitten, so playful that she would sometimes go crazy running around the lounge for no reason, jumping onto our leather couch, scratched them with her sharp nails and destroyed them.

When she was about two or three months old, she went missing.  The kids were distraught and everyone were grief stricken.  We went all out searching for her and we designed a leaflet which read “Missing Kitty, $100 Reward.  We missed her dearly.  Please come home.”  The kids went around the neighborhood mail dropping those leaflets.

Two days later one afternoon, I heard a familiar mew at the back fence.  My ex husband called her name and believe it or not, this grey furred ball jumped in.  The fence was a standard height fence.  Just unbelievable !  We believed that a neighbor somewhere must have held her in captive when she roamed the neighborhood but felt sorry for us that they released her without any claim for the reward.

When she was barely a year old, she must have gotten raped by a neighbor’s tomcat.  She gave birth to two kittens, FeeBee (who looked exactly like her, same color, same eyes) and Tiggy (who went missing when he was a few months old and never found).  FeeBee passed away two years ago while she was hospitalized at a vet in Kuching (Malaysia) on a Sunday and the vet was not opened for business and my ex only found out her death the next day and there was no word of apologies whatsoever.  If that happened in New Zealand or perhaps even other countries, that vet would have their licence removed !  In New Zealand when I had my other cat FeeTee put down due to health reason, the vet presented him to us nicely in a box with flowers and a condolence card followed in the mail a few days later.

FeeFee’s early life was that of a spoilt and vain cat.  She was not afraid of anybody unlike her baby FeeBee.  FeeBee too went missing and was missing for three whole months and I prayed daily.  A miracle happened and she found her way home, all black and dirty and skinny as !  We believed FeeBee survived because she was so afraid of strangers that she would go into hiding and probably only came out at night when there were no cars and sniffed her way home.  Had this happened to FeeFee, with her fearless nature, she would have been the victim of a hit and run.

Back in those happier days, FeeFee slept in a basket in my bedroom and when I was on my computer, that old desktop, she would climb on top for the warmth.  She was much loved.  FeeFee was a brave cat.  She was chased by our next door neighbor’s dog one day and climbed up a tree hiding there till we got home.  She also escaped a python that made its way into our garden one rainy day many years ago.  She was a wild cat with so much freedom then.

Then one Christmas in 2004, FeeFee’s life changed drastically.  That was the year I migrated to New Zealand. FeeFee lost her freedom.  She no longer could roam the neighborhood, she moved from a warm nice house to live in a cage.  Why did she have to live in a cage, you may ask?

My aunt had two cats before and some of her neighbors too have cats but they died because those cats roamed the neighborhood, ate some food which was believed to be poisoned and died.  Not only one or two cats but more.  No one knew which neighbor did that.

When I moved away from my house, FeeFee and FeeBee went to live with my aunt, an elderly lady who lives alone and the only way to keep them safe was to cage them.  Life was extremely sad for a kitty that was so full of life, who sprung and jumped so often, who roamed and visited our past neighbors slept in their garages or outdoor baskets safe and sound for years to move to a new deadly neighborhood.

I had no choice then and I never thought about giving her up for adoption not that anyone would want a mature cat and neither would she be able to adapt and not run away.  It is too late now to regret.

She does get the occasional treats of coming out of the cage of course and into the house but aunt would ensured all doors are locked and she does not get into the streets.  It is all extremely sad.  It is now coming close to a decade and my FeeFee still lives in the cage.  She is fit and she is healthy but because of the lack of exercises, she looks rounder than ever.  She still has the same vain looking and confident nature and she is much loved only that we are not beside her to shower her the love she dearly deserves.  Life in a cage has in some ways given her that extended life span but whether or not it is a life worth living, only that cat can tell.

My heart is very heavy, I have always felt and still feel so extremely sad at the thought of my FeeFee but I could not cry.  I am overwhelmed with emotion but tears could not find their way to flow.  My only regret in leaving Kuching was leaving my FeeFee behind and not only that, she paid for my sins of forsaking her.  I can only ask God for forgiveness and  may He bless my FeeFee and comfort her where I can’t.

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From autobiography to two pennies worth of thoughts

In less than 10 weeks, I completed writing my autobiography.  I thought I had lots of childhood memories but putting them in writing, there were only around 12 posts of a life that is half a century old.

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In sharing my stories and creating this blog, I now have a follower for each year of my life.  I am too shy to type that number ??00?? but we can easily work out that magic number.  I do not know if this is an average number or am I yet to be discovered.  I never intended to start a blog initially as all I wanted was a platform to write my life story.  I am pretty pleased with my progress and although not actually looking for a wide audience, I am greatly appreciative of the connections made with like-minded bloggers, especially those who commented on my posts and encouraged me when I shared my darkest secret.  From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank all of you for giving me the encouragement to write and to share even the most personal story of my life here.

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As my blog progressed, my stories have branched out from the true life story of one little Borneo girl to other little light-hearted posts as I wrote and shared my thoughts out loud.  I am just a lady, a mother and was a wife.  I am not a writer neither am I an avid reader.  I wrote my story the way I remembered it, the way I felt it and the way I saw it.  I hope my readers have enjoyed reading and will continue to follow my blog as I will now journey into the present where I will share my two pennies worth of thoughts and events happening around me.

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And last but not least if you are my friend, fellow blogger, supportive follower or if you just happened to stumble upon this post, I would truly appreciate your comments or press and LIKE me (of course only if you seriously do).  This little action will keep my blog happy.  Thank you 🙂

likemeThis image is an illustration only.  This little pig says, I Like Me ! 
If you Like Me too please press the Like button at the bottom of this post.
I humbly ask for this to get to know my little community of who has been and who is reading my two pennies worth of thoughts as I continue my journey into the second stage of my blog.  
Thank you very much.

postadayIf you notice this tag, I am now challenging myself to a Post A Day as I spend quite a fair bit of time on this new highly addictive hobby.

Life Life Life

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Life Life Life

Life as I see it
Life as I know it
Life as I blow it

Life as I feel it
Life as I dream it
Life as I live it

Life as I treasure it
Life as I conquer it
Life as I direct it

Life as I view it
Life as I love it
Life as I practice it

The Practice of Everyday Life is a book by Michel de Certeau which examines the ways in which people individualise mass culture, altering things, from utilitarian objects to street plans to rituals, laws and language, in order to make them their own. It was originally published in French as L’invention du quotidien. Vol. 1, Arts de faire’ (1980). The 1984 English translation is by Steven Rendall. The book is one of the key texts in the study of everyday life.

Another weekend coming up !

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Tonight a group of 10 friends met up for dinner and drinks, celebrating Thursday and looking forward to another weekend !

First we headed into ‘The Apothecary Licensed Eatery’ that operates in the heart of Howick, as a lively wine bar, a daytime cafe, plus evening bistro dining on Thursday & Friday nights.  This eatery is a vintage fit out and was formerly an antique shop.

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Another weekend coming up !

After dinner, we adjourned to “The Barrel Inn” to enjoy some music from “Father & Sons Band”.

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Full and contented, time to head home and one more sleep and it’s another weekend. Yeah, weekend so I can …………….

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………………….. cuddle my Bluey and sleep in, of course !

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We are still friends

“If every divorce were a ‘War of the Roses’, there would be blood on the streets!”
points out Barbara Quick, author of
Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After… Even if your Marriage Falls Apart.

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I am feeling a bit sad today, may have even shed a little tear.  My ex husband, my best friend just left for the airport after a month’s visit.  I am at the stage of my life where kids have grown up and suddenly they have nothing to say to me.  After over twenty years of upbringing, mother and child(ren) (or children and mother rather) no longer see eye to eye.  Having my ex husband visited was such a blessing and a comfort for me especially at a time when I felt so alone in my life.  Alone because I am going through mother and adult children estrangement if that is the word to describe what I am going through now.  At this stage of my life, although I have children, one of them if not both or even all three are estranged children.  It was good to have someone to talk to at home other than just talking to Toby.  Toby listened, prick up his ears, looked at me in the eye, sniffed and licked me but he does not talk back.

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My ex husband is that one special man in my life.  We drifted apart when we were younger, too focused in building our individual career that we loose our connection and ended our marriage.  We finally divorced after years of living apart but we stayed in touch as friends.  Sharing our children, we are still part of one family.  We will grow old together as best friends.

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On a lighter note, I will post an old parable that I found while searching online for a support group for parents going through adult children estrangement.  Thank you for sharing.

An Olde Parable

Posted on 07/28/13, 02:43 am

http://www.bu.edu/fsao/2012/07/13/when-your-adult-child-doesn’t-want-you/

If our ECs (estranged children) expect their own children to treat them kindly, they need to take a few moments to reflect on the way they behave toward us. They should take into account that respecting us now is an investment in how they’ll be treated when their own children become adults. Children learn by our example.
 
There is an old parable about Samuel whose elderly father kept spilling soup on the tablecloth because of his trembling fingers. One evening the old man dropped a fine teacup and it fell to the floor and broke.
“From now on you will eat in your room, Father,” declared Samuel . “Here is a wooden bowl for you to use. This, you cannot break!”
The next day Samuel came home and saw his very young son sitting on the floor trying to carve out a chunk of wood. “Little Jake, what are you doing?” Samuel asked the boy.
“It’s for you, Father,” the son explained, “so you can use it to eat in your room when you are old and your hands start to shake.”
When their own adult children toss them the wooden bowl, they will understand how much they have hurt us.
 
 
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On a positive note of course I know I will overcome this little hurdle knowing that my one special man in my life is still my best friend.  Together we will overcome.
 
 
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