Year end laughs

A friend sent me an email today saying ……………

I found this very amusing and laughed a lot.  Hope you get a laugh as well.

The laugh was about the translation of a hotel brochure into English.  I always had good laughs over Chinese (Mandarin) to English translations as they often translate word by word and the result is either confusing or humorous.

I doubt there is actually a Brilliant Beijing hotel, obviously fictional but let’s enjoy it and have a little laugh on this last day of the year.   **

 Goodbye 2014 & Happy New Year 2015.

Have a laugh, a smile and a happy year ahead.

Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure – Translated as only they can.

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

 

** No malicious intent – This post is meant to be read only as a cool joke.

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