We did not know when her actual birthday was but American Independence day, 4th of July was an easy date to remember hence we adopted that date for her birthday. On her birthday, we would cook a whole fish for her and that fish was a treat and symbolizes a birthday cake. A friend gave her to us. She was cute and adorable with blue eyes and grey fur, a tiny little wee kitty barely a month old. That was a long, long time ago, way back sometime in August in the year 1999. We named her FeeFee.
This post is a very sad story of the life of my FeeFee. I am extremely remorse as I type this story. It is a story that hurt me deeply, yesterday, today, tomorrow and everyday. I am hurting so badly because I believe my FeeFee’s life must be in agony. What is life without freedom? I have no answer to turn things around, to relieve and give FeeFee a better life. I honestly dread sharing this story but FeeFee is part of my life and my autobiography would not be complete without FeeFee and her story must must be told. It hurt very much even just to think about it and hurts even more to write about it.
FeeFee was a playful kitten, so playful that she would sometimes go crazy running around the lounge for no reason, jumping onto our leather couch, scratched them with her sharp nails and destroyed them.
When she was about two or three months old, she went missing. The kids were distraught and everyone were grief stricken. We went all out searching for her and we designed a leaflet which read “Missing Kitty, $100 Reward. We missed her dearly. Please come home.” The kids went around the neighborhood mail dropping those leaflets.
Two days later one afternoon, I heard a familiar mew at the back fence. My ex husband called her name and believe it or not, this grey furred ball jumped in. The fence was a standard height fence. Just unbelievable ! We believed that a neighbor somewhere must have held her in captive when she roamed the neighborhood but felt sorry for us that they released her without any claim for the reward.
When she was barely a year old, she must have gotten raped by a neighbor’s tomcat. She gave birth to two kittens, FeeBee (who looked exactly like her, same color, same eyes) and Tiggy (who went missing when he was a few months old and never found). FeeBee passed away two years ago while she was hospitalized at a vet in Kuching (Malaysia) on a Sunday and the vet was not opened for business and my ex only found out her death the next day and there was no word of apologies whatsoever. If that happened in New Zealand or perhaps even other countries, that vet would have their licence removed ! In New Zealand when I had my other cat FeeTee put down due to health reason, the vet presented him to us nicely in a box with flowers and a condolence card followed in the mail a few days later.
FeeFee’s early life was that of a spoilt and vain cat. She was not afraid of anybody unlike her baby FeeBee. FeeBee too went missing and was missing for three whole months and I prayed daily. A miracle happened and she found her way home, all black and dirty and skinny as ! We believed FeeBee survived because she was so afraid of strangers that she would go into hiding and probably only came out at night when there were no cars and sniffed her way home. Had this happened to FeeFee, with her fearless nature, she would have been the victim of a hit and run.
Back in those happier days, FeeFee slept in a basket in my bedroom and when I was on my computer, that old desktop, she would climb on top for the warmth. She was much loved. FeeFee was a brave cat. She was chased by our next door neighbor’s dog one day and climbed up a tree hiding there till we got home. She also escaped a python that made its way into our garden one rainy day many years ago. She was a wild cat with so much freedom then.
Then one Christmas in 2004, FeeFee’s life changed drastically. That was the year I migrated to New Zealand. FeeFee lost her freedom. She no longer could roam the neighborhood, she moved from a warm nice house to live in a cage. Why did she have to live in a cage, you may ask?
My aunt had two cats before and some of her neighbors too have cats but they died because those cats roamed the neighborhood, ate some food which was believed to be poisoned and died. Not only one or two cats but more. No one knew which neighbor did that.
When I moved away from my house, FeeFee and FeeBee went to live with my aunt, an elderly lady who lives alone and the only way to keep them safe was to cage them. Life was extremely sad for a kitty that was so full of life, who sprung and jumped so often, who roamed and visited our past neighbors slept in their garages or outdoor baskets safe and sound for years to move to a new deadly neighborhood.
I had no choice then and I never thought about giving her up for adoption not that anyone would want a mature cat and neither would she be able to adapt and not run away. It is too late now to regret.
She does get the occasional treats of coming out of the cage of course and into the house but aunt would ensured all doors are locked and she does not get into the streets. It is all extremely sad. It is now coming close to a decade and my FeeFee still lives in the cage. She is fit and she is healthy but because of the lack of exercises, she looks rounder than ever. She still has the same vain looking and confident nature and she is much loved only that we are not beside her to shower her the love she dearly deserves. Life in a cage has in some ways given her that extended life span but whether or not it is a life worth living, only that cat can tell.
My heart is very heavy, I have always felt and still feel so extremely sad at the thought of my FeeFee but I could not cry. I am overwhelmed with emotion but tears could not find their way to flow. My only regret in leaving Kuching was leaving my FeeFee behind and not only that, she paid for my sins of forsaking her. I can only ask God for forgiveness and may He bless my FeeFee and comfort her where I can’t.