We are still friends

“If every divorce were a ‘War of the Roses’, there would be blood on the streets!”
points out Barbara Quick, author of
Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After… Even if your Marriage Falls Apart.

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I am feeling a bit sad today, may have even shed a little tear.  My ex husband, my best friend just left for the airport after a month’s visit.  I am at the stage of my life where kids have grown up and suddenly they have nothing to say to me.  After over twenty years of upbringing, mother and child(ren) (or children and mother rather) no longer see eye to eye.  Having my ex husband visited was such a blessing and a comfort for me especially at a time when I felt so alone in my life.  Alone because I am going through mother and adult children estrangement if that is the word to describe what I am going through now.  At this stage of my life, although I have children, one of them if not both or even all three are estranged children.  It was good to have someone to talk to at home other than just talking to Toby.  Toby listened, prick up his ears, looked at me in the eye, sniffed and licked me but he does not talk back.

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My ex husband is that one special man in my life.  We drifted apart when we were younger, too focused in building our individual career that we loose our connection and ended our marriage.  We finally divorced after years of living apart but we stayed in touch as friends.  Sharing our children, we are still part of one family.  We will grow old together as best friends.

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On a lighter note, I will post an old parable that I found while searching online for a support group for parents going through adult children estrangement.  Thank you for sharing.

An Olde Parable

Posted on 07/28/13, 02:43 am

http://www.bu.edu/fsao/2012/07/13/when-your-adult-child-doesn’t-want-you/

If our ECs (estranged children) expect their own children to treat them kindly, they need to take a few moments to reflect on the way they behave toward us. They should take into account that respecting us now is an investment in how they’ll be treated when their own children become adults. Children learn by our example.
 
There is an old parable about Samuel whose elderly father kept spilling soup on the tablecloth because of his trembling fingers. One evening the old man dropped a fine teacup and it fell to the floor and broke.
“From now on you will eat in your room, Father,” declared Samuel . “Here is a wooden bowl for you to use. This, you cannot break!”
The next day Samuel came home and saw his very young son sitting on the floor trying to carve out a chunk of wood. “Little Jake, what are you doing?” Samuel asked the boy.
“It’s for you, Father,” the son explained, “so you can use it to eat in your room when you are old and your hands start to shake.”
When their own adult children toss them the wooden bowl, they will understand how much they have hurt us.
 
 
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On a positive note of course I know I will overcome this little hurdle knowing that my one special man in my life is still my best friend.  Together we will overcome.
 
 
paw2013
 
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11 thoughts on “We are still friends

  1. I have several friends who are going through similar painful times – it helps to have friends who understand; who help when they can, and pray always. I bless you, Jess, to find support and friendship with people who understand. May your friendship with your ex be something that lifts you up and keeps you going. Thank you for sharing your heart (and cats are a wonderful comfort too!)

    • Thank you for reading and for your nice words Vera. I do go out and about and even host a friendship group but life is a bit empty when kids do not seem to see my good intentions. I am fiercely independent so I will survive especially now that I have a new channel to write my thoughts and found nice friends like you. God bless. 🙂

  2. I pray that I can draw some inspiration from this story Jess, you know what is happening here, so dont be surprised if your old friend comes asking for advice hihi. Thanks again for being so open and honest, sometimes its not easy. God Bless xxx

  3. I read that parable before but stumbling upon it again here is a very nice reminder to me that I must always lead by example, especially that kids are like sponges and absorb everything.
    I hope everything works out well! 🙂

    • Thank you for visiting. Often times parents feel real hurt when this happen but more recently I have come to realized that I still see my children as when they were young kids under my care and continue to provide and care for them. This is no longer the need of the children as they grow up. It must be the generation gap so I just have to gently let go and accept that I have done my job. My children may be with me physically but they are seen and not heard, unlike years ago. It’s a process in life. You have done an awesome job helping parents of estranged children. It”s a great cause much needed. God bless.

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