That one special man in my life

paw2013

Readers, there are not many autobiographies that I could find on wordpress.  I am not a celebrity, I am just an ordinary woman and my autobiography may not interest everyone.  I have no intention of building a big audience and opening up my life story for the world to read but if you happen to stumble upon my blog, you are warmly invited to read the true life story of this little Borneo girl (once upon a time).  If you read my ‘About’ page, you will know the purpose of my blog and this post is the framework of my story.  If you are a friend or an acquaintance or even just my new fellow blogger, after reading this post, you are considered a friend if you let me know you have read my story (this post).  I sincerely hope that my children and my future generation (to come) will visit this post.  In saying this, I pray that WordPress will last forever.  My heart is beating as I am about to publish this page.  It is a hard decision and takes a lot out of me to share such a personal story.  Please read on or leave this page.  Thank you.

~~~

paw2013

This little Borneo girl has grown up.  She was a baby, she was a child, she was a teenager, she is now a woman, a wife (though no longer) and a mother.  She met this one special man in her life when she was barely 21 years old.

Here is her story.

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– Kuching Reservoir Park – 
courtesy of  http://jiayiing87.blogspot.co.nz

In the early 1980s the Kuching Reservoir Park was any joggers’ (as well as lovers’) haven.  When I was in the sixth form, I sat next to a window that overlook this park and often saw lovebirds and romance in the air in this once lovely park.  I never imagined that this was where I would meet this handsome man who eventually became my husband (now ex).

I was young and he was nine years older than me.  There was a group of us girls but he chose to date me.  Our romance was quick and swift.  It was three months of dating, engaged on the third month, marriage on the sixth month and parents within a year.  We were in such a rush for no apparent reason.  I was a beautiful young woman.  He was a handsome man with a baby-faced look.  When he met me, he had just returned from OE after working in Brunei.

The fairy tale romance story did not last very long but our friendship lasted forever.  I was (and still am) blessed to have my aunt (2 ko) who helped cared for our baby. Our baby was our princess and I gave her everything I wished for but never had when I was a child.  Our second child was born four years later.  Our youngest came three years after our second child.  At that time, my husband and myself were totally focused in our job and building our career not realizing that we had drifted, just naturally drifted away from each other.  He was education in Mandarin and I was in English, we talked but we could not communicate and that did not help in building our relationship.

He worked long hours, started off working with his late uncle and a cousin in the shipping industry and eventually they pooled all they resources together to buy some cargo vessels and became ship owners.  The company went public listed and shares shot up from 90 sen to RM18.  When the company shares were at its peak, I was living with my grandmother in Singapore as I need desperately to ‘find myself’.  My marriage had no meaning and I was vulnerable and I had stupidly fallen in love with another man not knowing he was someone else’s husband until the relationship was too deep to let go.  With my husband, I was too young to know the true meaning of love.  With this man, I gave my all.  That relationship lasted on and off for a decade and almost took my life.  I debated with myself whether or not to write about this chapter and open it out for all to read but the main purpose of my blog is my autobiography, my true life story, totally raw and unedited.  I am not writing for sympathy or condemnation because I called upon the Lord and God has forgiven me as in Psalms 86:5.  I can only hope that readers, family, friends or strangers will recite my favourite verse, Ephesians 4:32 before passing any judgement if necessary.

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– Courtesy of http://www.biblelockscreen.com 

PSALM 86:5

New International Version (NIV)

You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

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– courtesy of http://wallpaper4god.com

Today, I looked back at this relationship which should never have happened but it happened for a reason.  In the midst of a sea load of tears, there were bits of happiness.  I smile and I no longer cry.  I learnt what love was and also know what it is like to be loved.  True love is about connection, the ability to connect without speaking, the ability to look into each other’s eyes and read into each other’s thoughts.  Connection happens when two people are able to communicate by facial expressions just by looking at each other and connecting so deeply that one can see into the other’s soul.  A loving and compatible couple is like a key and a key hole.  That was what this man said of he and me.  We just clicked.

key– courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

When I was healing, my father gave me a plaque which read “What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning”.

beginning– courtesy of http://wishhunt.com

Returning to the story of this one special man in my life,  my husband came home one night and said that he had lost everything during the financial crisis.  We were in the midst of a divorce but because of the turn of event, we stayed ‘married’ because the best thing to do was to stay together, to comfort each other.  The comfort of just being there for each other.  Had I not ran away while he was at the peak of his career and be the supportive wife and financial advisor, we would probably be able to salvage some of his wealth.  However, the reality of loosing those millions  did not sadden me in the least.  I told my husband we had never lived the life of an extravagant multi-millionaire so having never lived that kind life, we definitely would not be any less off.  We had and always lived in comfort and in luxury within means and we are still living very comfortably with or without the millions.  My children went to private school and after that financial crisis, they probably were the poorest of the rich kids in school.  Growing up amongst the elite, my kids were not some spoilt rotten rich kids, they grew up appreciating the value of money and I am proud of my children in this aspect.

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– courtesy of http://www.searchquotes.com

Although I do not have a fairytale ending with “live happily ever after” to my marriage, I am blessed that my ex husband and I have a “happily ever after” friendship.  We parted ways, no longer husband and wife because of lack of communication and too much into building a career that took toll on our love and connection.  My ex husband is a very kind man, simple and helpful to everyone.  Today, he is still very much part of my life, a big part of my family and my true friend.

You are reading the true life story of one little Borneo girl and this post is of her life as a young woman of 21 through to mid 30s.  If any of my readers wish to leave a comment and share any personal experiences with regards to love or how true or not that “love is blind”, please feel free to leave a comment.

true-friendship-quotes-with-images– Courtesy of http://www.goodmorningwishes.com

paw2013

– Courtesy of http://dailypost.wordpress.com –

For personal record, this is my 3rd post for Week 1 of  a “Post A Week” Challenge.

The writer reserves the exclusive right on this post and does not permit “Reblog” or “Share” on facebook.  Any form of circulation, printed or copied of this post is strictly prohibited.  This story is only available through http:littlegirlstory.wordpress.com.

7 thoughts on “That one special man in my life

  1. Your Honetsy and frankness is something to be applauded, its not an easy road but you have been a shining example to your family and friends. God Bless You, It’s an honour and pleasure to be your friend. xxxx

  2. As the above commenter said, you’re extremely honest in this post. And I think because of this, I really enjoyed reading it. So nice to see that you’ve pulled through some tough times and learnt about yourself and what love really is – you’re one tough person. I agree when you say that true love is about “the ability to connect without speaking”. I hope to experience this someday.

  3. Dear Jesskho,
    I was very moved in many ways reading your post. Firstly, thank you for visiting my blog and encouraging me. I truly need it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Reading this post made me smile at the end. Not many true stories have a light at the end of the tunnel, I am so glad yours did. I pray for restoration in your life like never before. May Jesus build you up and be your strength. God bless you.
    Love and hugs,
    bloggerita.

    • Dear Bloggerita, Thank you for your kind comment. In most darkest hour, it is hard to find any light at the end of the tunnel but believing “what appears to be the end may really be a new beginning” will give survival the strength (no matter how small) to grab that flicker of light, grab it and make it glow. Never, never, never ever give up ! God bless you too. 🙂

      • Kudos to new beginnings. Bless your heart for all the encouragement. I am glad to have a new friend 🙂 Stay strong. Love and blessings always!

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